HOW DO I KNOW WHEN MY DAUGHTER WILL START HER PERIOD?

For our young girls, puberty can sound scary and gross.  They know their bodies are about to change, but they don’t know how or when exactly.  The scariest part is WHEN will they start their period?  Some girls can get their periods as young as 8 and as late as 16, and in our culture the average age is 12.

So, how do you know when your daughter will get her period?  Well, we can never be sure exactly, and there is no way of speeding it up or slowing it down.  However, we can get a good idea that it’s not far away by other signs. Note, there is no right or wrong order to this, each girl is different.

SEVEN SIGNS YOUR DAUGHTER WILL START HER PERIOD SOON

1. Breasts start to grow.  First they bud.  You may notice them sticking out a little further or the nipple area growing.  The buds are quite hard to the touch and can be quite tender.  Evening Primrose Oil can be an option to help with any tenderness.  Periods come generally 2-3 years after first budding.

2. Growth spurt. You’ll notice in her height, her hands and her feet.  Some girls grow 10cm in the year before they start their period, and many girls are at, or near their adult height by the time their period comes.

3.  Weight Gain:   You might notice that she is getting chubbier.  This is not only normal, but necessary for girls for sufficient amount of oestrogen to build up.  This can happen just before puberty starts, or throughout the process.  Around 16 she can go through another period of weight gain.  Again, this is her hormones working themselves out, and things will normalise.  As long as your daughter is active, eating well and having pain-free periods, this should not be of concern.

4. Sweatier and oilier.  You may notice oilier hair and little breakouts on her face, as well as more sweatiness.   When she’s ready to start using deodorants, seek options that don’t contain Aluminium or parabens.  Both of these toxins interfere with oestrogen levels, and can cause hormone imbalances, which lead to a number of other nasty side affects.  There are plenty of natural alternatives now.  Personally, I am a heavy sweater, and have found great results with No Pong.  Biome or your local health shop will also be a great place to look.

5. More hair:  Firstly it’ll be the hair on her arms and legs that thicken up and get darker.  Then she may mention more hair around her pubic area and underarms.  To start it’ll be soft and lighter, and will gradually get thicker and darker.

6. Cervical fluid/discharge.  She might notice this as white or yellow stains in her knickers. This fluid or mucus can begin 6-18 months before her period starts.  The few weeks leading up to her first period this fluid can become thicker and more like egg white.  This will then continue once she has her period throughout other stages of her cycle, and will be the most telling sign of being fertile.  It’s important to know what is normal and not normal fluid.  While the consistency changes throughout the cycle, it should not smell, itch or change colour.  If anything does change it’s a sign of infection.  It’s also worth noting that soap on the outside is all that is needed for cleaning.  Panty liners can be used on those days where there is more cervical fluid.  You can go for reusable options, like Hannah-Pad, or Modibodi, or if disposable use organic and biodegradable options, like Tsuno.

7. Moods.  Those infamous moods!  You might notice her feeling happier or angrier than usual at times.  It can be scary for them at times, the anger they feel all of a sudden.  She might also feel more strongly about someone, in a way she haven’t felt before.  It’s those hormones rushing through.  She might not say it, but having a bit more one on one time with you at this time may be just enough to support her through.  Making regular dates together is very worthwhile.

Help your daughter be prepared by talking about the changes and allowing her to ask questions.  Much of the fear comes from the unknown, and the more they know, they more comfortable they are.

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That’s right ladies, it’s not just about that time of the month when we bleed.

There’s a whole lot more to it that shows us we are in optimal health.

Things like:
– A cycle within a normal range, which despite beliefs, is not 28 days, but anywhere from 24-34 days
– A healthy ovulation, which can be determined by cervical fluid, and again, is not necessary on day 14.  In fact assessing a health ovulation is in some opinions more important than your actual period in determining balanced hormones.  And yes, healthy ovulation is important in all stages, not just when we want to conceive.
– Healthy amounts of cervical fluid with the right consistency, and at the right time
– The amount of blood lost during your period, with healthy amounts being between 25-80 mls.  Outside of these parameters can show something is up.  You’re not always the lucky ones if you only bleed for a day and just need one pad.  It’s a sign that you’re not producing enough lining in your uterus, which could lead to fertility issues.
– The amount of days you bleed for.  3-7 is a healthy range.
– Pain during any part of our cycle, including breast pain
– Your premenstrual symptoms.  If there outside anything that is normal for you, then something is likely up.  Extra irritable or anxious this month (yes me!), craving more carbs than usual, having trouble getting out of bed?  All things we’ve been told are “normal”, but also signs that something is not balancing right.
– How stored emotional trauma affects your cycle

We don’t often talk about these things, so how do we know what is normal or not.  Especially when we are in our teens or have just started your period.  You might think that just because you experience something, everyone does.  But it’s not like that, and how do we know if we are never told, or never talk about it.  We can go through decades of not properly understanding our bodies.  I did, and I’m still being blown away by the information I learn.

Talking with our girls about what is normal and healthy, and more importantly, how to be aware of what is going on for them, is vital for them as they get to know the changes in their body.  Giving them the knowledge to know their bodies, understand what is normal for them, and trust that when their bodies show them different signs they will know something is up.  These are all things I talk about in our workshops.

One thing I say in our workshops is that periods are not something to hate on.  Sure they can take us by surprise at times and put a spanner in the works with some plans.  But how lucky are we as females to get an ongoing report card of how healthy we are!  How often have we heard that women get the raw deal, we have to have periods and all that come with it, and go through the pain of carrying and birthing children.

But what if we’ve just been taught to look at it the wrong way for all these generations.

Our whole cycle is a way of letting us know how healthy we are.  How balanced our hormones are, how balanced our lifestyle is, how balanced our diet is.  If we could learn to tune in to those signs more, and if we were taught this when we FIRST STARTED OUR PERIOD, how different would things be?

So don’t think of your period as just your period.  Start looking at it as an ongoing report card to your overall health.

If you’d like your girls to learn more about this, we’d love to see you at our workshops.  See here for more details

“I don’t have to hide under a blanket to ask my mum questions anymore.”  
Ruby, 11 after Beyond The Cusp Workshop.

Our girls ARE curious. They may not initiate the questions or the conversation, but I can guarantee they are all ears when you are talking about it. Particularly if you’re having a conversation with another adult.

This quote was from my own daughter. Yes, she used to hide under the blanket while she asked me questions and I answered. She was very curious to know answers, but also very embarrassed. That is okay! I encouraged this, do whatever works.

You may have started noticing changes within your daughter. The puberty changes like breast buds, hair growth and the white fluid stains in her knickers. If you find it a bit hard to raise the conversation you could start with a letter. I was raised primarily by my father. He was a man of few words, but when he had something important to let us know, we’d get home from school to a little letter and a chocolate on our pillow. I really appreciated those letters. I knew they had meaning and were important, and I appreciated him for it.

Try writing a little letter and opening up the conversation that way. Invite her to come to you for any questions when she’s ready, or
perhaps set aside a little one-on-one time where you can say this will be a special time to talk about her changes. Remind her that you were once her age too, and you know how she’s feeling. Share some of your own stories, and if she feels the need to hide under a blanket, let her do it.